There are so many travel tips and hacks out there. Some are good. Others? Meh, not so much. However, my father, Don Brazie, once gave me the best traveling advice ever. [The necessary 2023 disclaimer: I am being semi-humorous. Still, it is a gem of a top travel tip, and it genuinely works].
OK, so we can agree that it’s great to interact and talk with people when traveling. But occasionally, you just want peace and quiet—a little “me” time. Luckily, I’ve perfected my resting bitch face, so any long-haul flights are already in the bag. But let’s say you’re lying on a golden Spanish beach somewhere, listening to the gentle waves lapping onto the shore. Or you’re in bustling Marrakech wandering around an aromatic and exotic souk. One thing that’s guaranteed (along with death and taxes) is that you’ll get a constant, never-ending stream of hassle from hawkers flogging fake Gucci purses and those raggedy woven bracelet things.
If you’re in the mood, speaking to sellers and occasionally buying crap you’ll never use but palm off on some mate back home is great. In the Costa del Sol, most vendors are from Senegal. They’re lovely, funny, and engaging. But, when you’re done socializing and admiring cheap useless sunglasses, bust out with the Don Brazie travel tip. When somebody approaches, simply look confused and say, “Finlandia! Finlandia!”
Because nobody—except the Fins—natch, speaks Finnish. Many beach vendors speak fluent French and English, a bit of German, a little Italian or Dutch (because they’re not lazy ignoramuses like us). But nobody, nobody speaks Finnish (except, once again, the Fins).
It does help if you also have some sautéed reindeer, lingonberry jam, and pickles to nosh on simultaneously—but it’s not essential. [The necessary 2023 disclaimer: I am being humorous. I’m aware I am stereotyping an entire country. Plus, you’d have to lug a heavy cooler box to the beach. Annoying].
The best thing of all, though? It also works a treat on Jehova’s Witnesses. (If any JWs are reading, check out rule 32….cough). So, just remember, “Finlandia! Finlandia!” And have a happy, peaceful vacay.